Jun 05

Texting Tuesday: Breakfast of Champions

• Pathetic: You should bring us breakfast in bed!
• Him: Only if you bring me cookies.
• Lonely: So, morning sex? That's what you meant by cookie right?
• Him: Um, no I actually want a cookie.
• Lonely: I'm disappointed in your choice of breakfast.

Jun 04

I Vow To Never Watch This Movie Again

Here are some thoughts on the movie The Vow…

There are some obvious problems with this movie, including but not limited to, an annoyingly frustrating bitch of a female protagonist, impossible to comprehend cuteness on the part of the man, and the fact that I cannot care about hipster love. I could have overlooked all of that if it weren’t for one missing scene. Where was the sex? If I am expected to sit through an entire Valentine’s Day instant classic then I expect a little action to make up for whatever dry spell I am experiencing. Seriously though! I have needs that should be met! Especially because the one bright side of losing all memory of your husband should be the excitement of fucking him for the first time and him being able to use his experience to get you off in ways you don’t know you want yet! That’s all I could think about while watching this movie and yet I was left unsatisfied like poor Channing Tatum. All build up, no release, worst fucking foreplay of my life. 

-Lonely

Jun 02

Hey Remember That Time…

Your best friend picked you up from your drunken hook up the next morning? Oh wait that’s every weekend. 

Jun 01

Pasty Ginger Dilemma

• Lonely: Why do I find him so attractive? He's a pasty ginger!
• Pathetic: Because you're into him.
• Lonely: But he's not in me...

May 31

Today, I cleaned my guy friend’s hadn’t-been-cleaned-in-a-year bathroom. I hope that scrubbing his toilet will be the best way to win back my reputation as a not-so-crazy girl and to make him like me again.

I think it’s working!

-Sad

May 29

[video]

Still Waiting

• Pathetic: You should go down on me.
• Douchelord: Yeah...I thought about it, but not tonight.
• Pathetic: What?
• Douchelord: I mean, you really deserve it. I'll surprise you with it another time.
• Pathetic: Dear lord, I can't believe you just said that.
• In case you were wondering how explicit we're going to get on this blog, yeah, we're going there. Even if he won't.

Boyfriend or Best Friend?

This person, rather than give you some independence and travel the 40 minutes to your job interview alone, comes along for the ride. Rather than supporting you in this stressful time, finds the only bar in the town open at 3 p.m. and makes you pick them up when you are done and they are tipsy.

Q: Boyfriend or best friend?

A: Best friends, two of them.

May 28

So Call Me Crazy

Alright, so let’s get something clear from the start. The three lovely ladies writing this blog are crazy. We are the greatest best friends in the world, but absolutely crazy. Straight up “Sex and the City” Carrie for Big crazy. Only worse (I mean better) dressers and occasionally less (sometimes more) pathetic. If you have ever been to Crazy Girl World, you can relate. If you haven’t then get the hell off this blog (but not actually, we desperately need your approval).

Eternally yours,

Sad, Pathetic, and Lonely